Fading away...

I don't know why, but tonight I feel very sad, lonely, and depressed.  Did anything bad happen in my day? No.  Did I have a full and fun day?  Yes.  

Yet as soon as I get home, this feeling sets in.  It's a very familiar feeling to me; one that I feel very often in the past few months.

I look at my life...and I see nothing worthwhile in it.  I look at my future, and I see nothing worth looking forward to.  What is the point?  I see no point.

God died for me, and I feel like he's the only one who love me.  This world....has nothing for me.  I live....like a ghost, like a shadow.  Just blending in, slowly fading away.

How often I think of death.  I would welcome it, like a father welcoming his lost son.  Yet God never grants me that blessing.  Instead, I struggle on, going through each day by day.  Pointless...

Oh I remember the times when I was riding my motorbike.  Thoughts would flash through my head: what happens if I just tip over.  It would end it.  So quick....so easy.....yet I never did it.

I want to ride again.  Maybe then, God would eventually bless me with my wish.

I want to see heaven open before me.  Where there is no more sorrow and sadness.  No more pain and misery. No more hurt.  No more loneliness.

What a pathetic life I've lived.  Only God is worth anything, while I'm utterly worthless.

Where is hope?  My only hope is that this will end soon, and that I'll be able to live with my God, whom I love so dearly.  

This wretched world.... oh how I wish I could leave it.