Blessed

Lord, I am so blessed to be used by you to teach people your Word...

Can't Sleep

Lately I can't seem to sleep at night.

I'm slowly recovering from my cold/flu (coughing phase now)...but I'm actually finding it harder to sleep now than when I was fully sick.

Don't know why.....

I just lie in bed..

   tired...

  but can't fall asleep.

Thinking..

   Not thinking..

Don't know why, but I still haven't recovered from my sickness.

     Maybe it's a mental/emotional sickness that's manifested physically.

  Maybe it's a spiritual sickness....

I don't know..

  But I can't seem to sleep.

Forgiveness

I need to learn forgiveness.......

Solution..

Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free

Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King

I will be Your hands, I will be Your feet
I will run this race
On the darkest place, I will be Your light
I will be Your light

Blessed..

Looking at my life

I'm so so blessed.

Dunno what I'm complaining about.

I need to really get over myself.

Man..

Man..

I gotta stop being so depressed and pessimistic lol!

It's life.. it'll always move on.  I'll move on.

Looking back over the past few months, God has always been there for me.  More so, he's always provided me with some great friends to keep me company through my super low's.

But it's so damn hard to control my emotions.. especially at night when I'm alone, or when I'm lying in bed trying to find sleep.  I really feel pathetic being overwhelmed with feelings so easily...

I need to start reading that book on Emotional Quotient (EQ)....

Sipping..

Sipping on some light desert wine..

So glad I'll be taking tomorrow off too, in accordance with my GP's recommendation.

Sick physically... sick mentally... How am I spiritually?

Spiritually...that's the only thing left for me.

Just me..

Just me...

   there is just me...

Sick..

  and alone...

But who really cares right?

Lead..

I heard, that you've moved on

   That you found a guy and you're happy now.
I heard that your dreams came true

    Guess he gave you things I didn't give to you...

I hate to keep messaging you uninvited

  But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my thoughts and that you'd be reminded,
      That for me, it isn't over...

Nevermind, I'll find someone, like you did.
   I wish nothing but the best for you, too.
"There'll be no one else after you"  I remember you said..

     I still remember the moments we shared.

Sometimes it lasts in love 

  But sometimes it hurts instead.
In the end there is only pain

     Changing my heart to lead...

Scars of love..

The scars of your love remind me of us
   They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
     I can't help feeling...

  We could have had it all

You had my heart inside of your hand..

    But you played it with a beating..

The scars of your love remind me of us
   They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
     I can't help feeling...

Low

Low.....so low...

Unrelated...and yet always interwined....

Reminiscence..

Cleaning up my room.

  Going through all the pieces of paper in creaks and crannies.

Seeing messages from my past love...

   Her handwritting...

     Her words of love...

       Her promises.

   Starting to reminisce again....

    Gosh I'm so stupid.

"I love you" for 2 years including December...

     "Break up cuz we can't work, 

     even though we love each other so so much" in January..   

         "I'm seeing someone else, and he makes me happy" in early March..

Ugh I was just recovering.  No more reminiscing!!!  Get over it!!

Back..

Back home from Thailand.

Still schizophrenic.

But somehow I feel a lot more at peace.

She's made her choice..

    She's made it clear.

Thank God.

      Please help me move on.

Love.. does not exist.

   At least not between people.

 It really is just all fake.

      Please help me remember that

                   As I hopefully move on.

God..

   I love you...

       And only you.

Selfishness

Is he really that much better than me?
Over 2 years of love...
   replaced so quickly..
     so easily.
So glad you're happy with your life...
  while other people are constantly in pain.
I guess it's ok as long as your happy..
  cuz life is just about yourself..
Who cares about what other people are feeling right?
Just like the rest of the world.