FB sux

Its funny....the moment you see that someone, with someone else.  Like you always knew it, but when you actually see it......it's a whole new level.

It really hits you...that it really is over.  

    They're really with someone else...

Someone else is holding them, 

    someone else is caring for them....

They're holding someone else, 

    they're caring for someone else.....

Reality hits.

It sux...but at the same time..it's really good.

Now there's no more hope, no more stupid thoughts, 

    no more fantasy.

It's closure.......and I needed closure.

Then again...you think you know someone...but then you realise that you don't know them at all.

They act.....like a different person. A person you don't know.

It's finally over now.  I can clear my head.... it's refreshing.

No more stupidity.  I gotta learn to control my own emotions and feelings.

It's funny how things overwhelm us...and we have no control of the emotions which rushes through us.  It's like in my veins, pumping through my heart.

I hope she's happy...

   and yet...

      part of me hope that it won't last....

    is that bad??

        probably.....

 Sigh...

    at the feelings running through my veins.

Gotta stop looking through my photos..

Looking back at the photos.... we've shared so much.... How did it disappear so quickly?  

Moments ago we were together.  Moments later you have someone else...

Kevin... you know that you can't make her happy.  If they're with someone who can make them happy... isn't that a good thing?

I'm tired of her tears just as much as she is..

Wth is wrong with me??

Fading away...

I don't know why, but tonight I feel very sad, lonely, and depressed.  Did anything bad happen in my day? No.  Did I have a full and fun day?  Yes.  

Yet as soon as I get home, this feeling sets in.  It's a very familiar feeling to me; one that I feel very often in the past few months.

I look at my life...and I see nothing worthwhile in it.  I look at my future, and I see nothing worth looking forward to.  What is the point?  I see no point.

God died for me, and I feel like he's the only one who love me.  This world....has nothing for me.  I live....like a ghost, like a shadow.  Just blending in, slowly fading away.

How often I think of death.  I would welcome it, like a father welcoming his lost son.  Yet God never grants me that blessing.  Instead, I struggle on, going through each day by day.  Pointless...

Oh I remember the times when I was riding my motorbike.  Thoughts would flash through my head: what happens if I just tip over.  It would end it.  So quick....so easy.....yet I never did it.

I want to ride again.  Maybe then, God would eventually bless me with my wish.

I want to see heaven open before me.  Where there is no more sorrow and sadness.  No more pain and misery. No more hurt.  No more loneliness.

What a pathetic life I've lived.  Only God is worth anything, while I'm utterly worthless.

Where is hope?  My only hope is that this will end soon, and that I'll be able to live with my God, whom I love so dearly.  

This wretched world.... oh how I wish I could leave it.

This Song...

2AM - This Song (English)

Lyrics written by tsubasa ©

(Verse 1)
Even though I blew a secret within a day.
Even though I thought I lost your trust in a way.
Even though you didn't really want to say, oh no,
but I knew that everything was not okay.

Every night is a sleepless night,
Everyday is a struggle and fight,
but when I hear your voice it makes me feel light.

Now it's my time to apologise,
I admit it's worse than telling lies.
Hoping it'll create stronger ties

(Chorus 1)
Why does one thing bad conceal the good with sad?
Cos that's how life is, but the good was still had.
Why do we try best to survive the relationship test?
Cos we respect, appreciate, forgive, love and care for our
best...friend.

(Verse 2)
Everytime I see you it seems that you don't care.
I see you smiling and having fun with everyone there.
What we had, now it's lost. Just let go, when it's gone.
It's never coming back.
and I knew that things won't be the same again.

Every sight is a painful sight,
Every say is a struggle or fight,
but when you hear this song I hope it makes you feel right.

Now it's a promise to try forever,
nothing is worse than to cry for each other.
Hoping one day we can fly together. (far away and away)

(Chorus 2)
Why does one thing bad conceal the good with sad?
Cos that's how life is, but the good was still had.
Why do we try best to survive the relationship test?
Cos we respect, appreciate, forgive, love and care for our
best friend.

(Chorus 3)
Why is it so hard to see you now?
Cos that's how life is, but I won't let you down.
Why do we all fight to keep the relationship sound?
Cos we respect, appreciate, forgive and care for the ones we love.

The start...

I've decided to start a blog for myself.  Something for me to do during my state of insomnia (which is frequent nowadays).

To start, I'll put out a post that I posted online once.  It's funny how you can write quite poetic things when you are full of different kinds of emotions....

Things come and go
Feelings up and down
Yet issues remain
Resurfacing again and again..

What makes one happy
For certain moments it is clear
Will it make one happy forever
Now that is unclear

The mind conflicted
The heart.. in anguish
Where is the line
Between hope and fantasy
Where is the line
Between dreams and reality

Who knows what the future holds
Who knows where we will be
Our hopes our dreams
Our wants our desires
Like rocks in the ocean
Moulded by the waves
What was..is constantly changed
Some parts are same, some are different
Who knows where the waves will take us?

One can only hope
That as we are tossed around in the ocean
That it will bring us closer
Not further
More tough and smooth
Not broken in two
The human heart can only hope
The human mind can only think
The body can only try

Where will we be?
Where will we be?
Only God knows.