Bland-ness

Gonna leave for Thailand soon.

   I should be very happy, looking forward to the holiday.

     And I am..

  And yet I'm not.

Everything seems bland.

   All I can feel are shitty feelings..

       Even when I'm around people..

     And especially when I'm alone.

Had friends over for dinner yesterday.

  It was great fun.

    Had a friend do so much at my house..

   Clean...cooked...did everything.

  Surrounded by people..

           and yet I still felt so alone.

It's been almost 6 months already.

    Why am I still so screwed up.

  Why do I wish for nothing else besides death.

       Why does everything seem pointless.

    Why do I always think.. always feel.. always get crushed..

             by those closest to me?

Remnant desires

Behind the scene

        She means the world to me....

   I wanna tell her that she's beautiful

           And show her that she's loved....

Hold her hand when she's scared

        Tell her how much I care

    But that won't win back her heart......

Ditched

Always ditched..

     by anyone and everyone.

  Story of my life.

Friendship...

   is there anything more than just the superficial?

 People just using each other for company.

        Then moving on once they've had their fill.

     Pretending to be friends..

           but are really just acquaintances.

Where are the deep bonds?

   They are formed all around me..

        Floating past me...

      Yet alluding me.

Tastelessness

There is no colour..

        There is no taste..

   There is no music..

           There is no pleasure.

It is all bland..

    pointless..

        ..devoid of life.

The void..

    The emptiness..

        The loneliness....

      Of my soul.