Thank you Father

Thank you Father for work,
   For my job and being able to earn good money even though work is hard.

Thank you Father for my apartment,
  For cheap rent and a place to live and sleep in.

Thank you Father for rest,
  For days off to relax.

Thank you Father for my car,
  With all its features.

Thank you Father for Katrina,
  For relationships with all its ups and downs.

Thank you Father for the upcoming season,
  Of hopefully sunny weather and awesome road trips!

I need to continually remember to be thankful for what I have.  Who knows what the future holds?  Everything can down sour at any time.  Remember to enjoy the blessings during any season.

New Life

So it's been over a year since I posted haha.  Yet I thought I'd start again, and my life has changed heaps.  Furthermore, lately I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things, and thus thought that this would be a good way to store my thoughts.

I have just moved out of home about 2 weeks ago.  I now live in Kensington with a housemate.  This housemate is Kai, one of my friends from Ridley.  His previous housemate got married and moved out.  Thus he was looking for a new housemate, and I thought that this is a perfect opportunity for me to move out.  I've been feeling very cramped at home, and this is a good chance for my independence.

So for the past 2 weeks I've slowly moved my things over.  I've also bought a new couch and TV, as well as lots and lots of Ikea furniture.  As with most Ikea stuff, a lot of time has been spent assembling it!  Tien came over one saturday and helped me put together a lot of the stuff, which was very helpful.

I'm also about to end the 2nd semester at Ridley of my 3rd year.  Since I'm only doing 6 subjects in total this year, I still have 2 more subjects next year (as well as 8 more units for an extra grad dip).  The intention is to finish my Masters, then slowly do the grad dip for interests.  I've mainly been concentrating on Bible, language, and Christian Thought & Theology subjects.  However I have not been doing much practical skills subjects (except for preaching, which I am doing atm).  Thus I want to slowly do subjects such as pastoral care, leadership & management, Christian worship etc.

Just like it was in my 5th and final year of optometry, I'm start to feel very tired and lacking motivation in my subjects.  My life feels so busy and stress, and I have no time for anything.  I've also started doing some preaching, and thus need time to write my sermons too!  Basically I've just started losing enjoyment of doing these studies.  I kinda want to just go back to work for a while.

I was looking forward to this semester being less stressful.  I was just going to do 3 subjects, with the 4th one being the Israel Tour at the end of the year.  However, the Israel Tour was canceled (for the second time... it was meant to be mid-year but was canceled, then changed to end of year...and now canceled again) as they could only get 12 people, instead of the 20 required.  This really really sucked, as I was really looking forward to going to Israel.  There was a chance I could have explored Egypt too!  Not only that, but now I have to take up an extra subject!  Thus in addition to Hebrew, preaching, and Romans, I took up the final Theology (TH604 Church, ministry and Sacraments).  [I needed the 4th subject as Hebrew and Preaching were year long subjects but only counted as 1 subject.  Thus even though I had 4 subjects both semesters, on paper it's only 3 each.  And I needed at least 3 to continue centrelink as well as HECS).  This means more essays and exams!  I didn't think I could handle an extra exam.  Thus in the end I'm signing up to TH604 as a Capstone.  This basically means I can attend the class but don't have to do their work requirements.  Instead I have to write 6000-7000 words on a topic which integrates Bible, Christian Thought, and Practical Ministry.  I decided to write on the topic of Women in Ministry. This is an area which, though I have strong opinions on, have not had the chance/opportunity to explore extensively, to consider theologically.  Thus I felt that this would be a great chance for me to do so.  I will talk more about my thoughts in the other blog (jCloudz).


However, this means that this semester will be extremely packed again...sigh.  I want time to chill out, to reflect, to read.  To meet up with all these people have I have not seen for over a year.  Yet I feel that this will be a stressful time again, with me constantly overloaded with essays.  Right now, even though I'm suppose to be on holidays, have no holiday!  I have to write 2 sermons which I will be giving in 2 weeks.  One of them is at Ridley Chapel, as part of my preaching class!  This is super scary, in front of all Ridley students and lecturers!  The need to seem like a great and amazing preacher and blow everyone out of the water is so strong in me.  The need to be applauded by my peers overwhelm me.  I need to get rid of all this pride.  I need to be humble, else I know that God will forcefully humble me, as he so often does.  I will also be preaching at the Night Church in Vicwest.  From there I have 1 sermon per month.  preaching at Reservoir in August and September, and then one last preaching class sermon in October.  Busy busy busy.

And yet lately I just can't be stuffed doing anything!  I've basically wasted the last half a week doing nothing.  Also I have the stress that I have Hebrew major test when semester start..and there is a lot to learn and revise!  And then there's a preaching essay which I had hope to do during this break...but haven't even started!

Just so much stress!  This morning I decided that I need to stop and focus.... focus on God.  I need God to give me strength, to give me focus, to clear my mind and heart.  Without the energy that comes from him, I can do nothing!

I also felt like I need to start bloggging/journalling my thoughts again.  Just to get all these feelings and emotions out!!

Missing Photography...and the Essays never ends!!

Title says it all....

Still in my Essaying period.  On my last and final essay (5th one), which is due Wednesday week.  Then I get about 2 weeks before 3 exams :'(

Don't get me wrong: I love all the reading.  In fact, I'm often finding myself reading tangent issues not directly related to my essay!

It's the writing which kills me.....

I've received my 2 photos books of my Memories of last year.  It made me realised how often I was out and shooting photos last year....had sooooo many photos.  This year, I've taken barely anything.  So sad..... And I was thinking of getting the Sigma 35mm 1.4 lens too...

It will be over soon...but I'm getting distracted so easily nowadays...cuz I want to be distracted lol!

Up at 3am... Broken sleep cuz to sick and stress....

Hm.. Life is pretty stressful....

I really need to finish off this 1 Corinthians essay.... I have to start on my Theology one, which is due in 1.5 weeks!!  I seem to have an essay due in every 1.5 weeks from here on out.... (So far 1 down, 4 more to go!) and once I've handed in my last essay, exams will be 2 weeks after that lol!

So basically I have my schedule packed out until after the first week of June!  I don't even think I can maintain my weekly readings!

I love doing the essay readings.... but somehow I really struggle to actually write it up.  I end up with so many thoughts floating through my head, that I don't even know where to start!

It doesn't help that I'm sick now too!

This essay has been pretty amazing though.  I'm writing on how Doctrine relate to Ethics in 1 Corinthians, and in doing this I've covered basically all the aspects of 1 Corinthians lol!  I love doing essay questions which give you a larger overall picture of everything.

I'm gonna try to start preaching at my church on 1 Corinthians.  Just going through block by block every month (we have one English Youth/Young Adults Service a month)...

On another note... God has been pretty amazing.  Other than the stress of the workload, life has been good!  Relationship with Katrina (gf) has been good!  Work (once a fortnight) has been good!  Money has been good!  Yeah..everything is going pretty well.  I do get a bit stressed when I think about the future...but I need to stop thinking so much!

Church hasn't been so great...but that's just cuz of my expectations, which has led to a lot of disappointment.  The actual practical play out of Church has been fine.  But I feel like I make a really bad leader.... cuz of my lack of people-skills.  I have the heart, definitely, but trying to get things to how I want them......well to be honest it's just not really even on its way >.<

But as what I read yesterday from Calvin in his Institutes, and which I posted on FB:

"To the pious and placid his advice is, mercifully to correct what they can, and to bear patiently with what they cannot correct, in love lamenting and mourning until God either reform or correct, or at the harvest root up the tares, and scatter the chaf."  Book 4 Chapter 1 - John Calvin: Institutes (of the Christian Religion).

And according to what I've been reading in 1 Corinthians:  I'm just a steward.  Someone planted, all I'm doing is watering....but it is God who makes things grow! 1 Corinthians 3:6-9.

Though the concept of "reward" is a funny thing.  It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.  If God elected and predestined us, and everything we have and do come from God himself (He even predestines us to do the good work that we do), then why would there be a reward?  What do I have that I did not receive?  And if I receive it, how can I boast in it?  1 Corinthians 4:7.

Paul gives a dual view:  sometimes he talks about running to claim the prize that God calls him (Phil 3:14), having run the good race (2 Tim 4:7), getting a reward for building (1 Cor 3:8, 14)....

While other times he talks about how his work and preaching is laid on him and he has to do it (1 Cor 9:17), so to get reward, he has to go beyond that and do it without cost to the people he's ministering too.  Then there's Jesus' words in Luke 17:7-10, whereby we should just say that we've merely done our duty, and do not deserve any recognition.

The Bible is full of seemingly paradoxes.  I wanna write a book on them!  Will/choice vs Election/predestination.  Trinity. Jesus' work on the Cross.  Eschatology ("already" vs "not yet")... the list goes on and on.  And heresy are those who tend to lean too much on one or the other.  Instead we need to always uphold and balance out the truths that the Scripture presents.  Not trying to harmonize them and come up with an answer which ticks both boxes (which would be nice, but never works - for we usually end up compromising BOTH views).  Instead upholding BOTH sides as full truths.  How can they both full truths?  Only God knows.

Work overload...

Okay, so the study year has resumed.  After a nice long break, I am back at it.  

And this year seems like it's going to be a huge/long/massively more stressful than last year!

Workload during the last week...which seems like it's going to be Normative:

-Reformations - read 40-50 pages of Luther's work (it took me about 3 hours to read like 30 pages...cuz it's so hard to understand >.<)

-Theology - read some dude's article attacking the theology of some other dude (took me about 2 hours) and then make a 500 word summary.

                 - read the theology text book (still haven't finished the required reading).

-Psalms - Read 20-30 pages of Interpreting the Psalms.

-1 Corinthians in Greek - Translate passages (requiring me to read commentaries and linguistic exegetical stuff)

                                      - Read Brian's commentary (barely read it so far..)

                                      - Read extra tutorial stuff.

                                      - Try to revise my Greek, which I've forgotten so much of.

                                      - Practice just naturally reading Greek (instead of trying to parse every word).

On top of all of this is my 5 essays that'll be due from week 4 to week 8(or 9).

So here I am... in the Library on a Saturday... trying to start early on my Psalms essay.  Cuz I know that as soon as essays are almost due in, all the weekly reading/work will become negligible.  Which is really bad cuz I actually want to keep reading and keep learning...even if it's not assessed.

I find reading soooo hard.  I'm very good with reading Fiction books lol!  But not technical and non-fiction books.  I read and chunk and go "what on earth did I just read?"... then I have to re-read it.  Doesn't help that all the technical words/languages confuse me...

Sigh...wouldn't it be so much better if I came from an Arts/Law background...in which they're very experienced at reading chunks and chunks of stuff....

I'm so glad I didn't continue with Hebrew B (I did an intensive course of the language Hebrew A in the 3 weeks leading up to the start of the Semester).... I would have totally died.

So there goes all my social life.... But I guess I never had much of it anyway!!

If you're reading this... pray for me!!

~Kev.

It begins..

Tomorrow it begins....

4 straight exams over 4 consecutive days...... >.<

I wished I had managed to prepare more.... I wanted to have written up all my prepared answers before it begins, so that each day I'll just have to concentrate on cramming it all in.  However that didn't happen...oh wellz.

First up is Greek - my most confident one...and the one I've done the least work on (did not touch Greek basically until today...and even then I only spent half the day on it).

Then is New Testament.  I'm confident with Acts (2 questions to answer), but not very prepared with the Epistles (1 question on genre/audience/purpose etc..).

Church history I've written up all my prepared answers...surprisingly!!  So I hopefully should do well..as long as Rhys doesn't come up with really different questions >.<

Last is Old Testament... in which I haven't managed to even find the answers for 2 of the questions...but oh wellz...I'll have to do lots of work on Wednesday night...which will be very hard after 3 exams hahaha...

On another note... I'm pretty sure I got caught by a red light camera yesterday (actually i'm 110% sure cuz the flash went off).  I dunno what I was thinking... I was just dazed and drained from all the study...and was driving home......I knew that there was a camera there...but yeah...

Really sucky...cuz I think the fine will be like $350....

But the more I think about it...worst things could have happened than just a fine.  Really, worse things HAVE happened in the past... so this is really nothing.  It's a big waste of money... but maybe God allowed me to get caught like this so that I would learn.... it may save my life some day???  I dunno...but I've been doing heaps on Job and wisdom literature.  Seeking wisdom and understanding in life......  And in Job we have God answering Job, explaining that his plans are bigger than just about Job (and infact bigger than even just humankind).  

Every time something bad happens... instead of just crying out to God "why meeeee???", maybe sit back and think that maybe God has a bigger plan somewhere in this.  And by this, I mean bigger plan than just about yourself.  People always say God has a bigger plan...thinking that maybe through misfortunate something good will happen - like you'll grow, you'll learn...etc.  But it doesn't have to be about you.  Bad stuff happens in your life... maybe cuz God has a bigger plan which has nothing to do with you!!  

Just sit back, trust God who's in control of the universe... and enjoy the ride!!!

Missing Photography..

Sigh I miss photography..

Life is so much simpler with photography...

Trying really hard to find reasons to be in this world atm...

Biblical Hebrews or Not?

At the moment faced with a dilemma for next year's subject choices:

Should I do Biblical Hebrews or not?

One of my main passion for entering Theology College was to try to learn how to read the Bible in its original language - ie Ancient Greek and Hebrews....  However there's a lot of factors now.

1. There's way too many other subjects I want to do, and if I do Hebrews, that'll take up 2 subjects that I could be doing something else.

2. How important is it to be able to read Hebrews?

3. I guess this is actually my main worry - I don't know if I'll be able to become very good at it.  Greek is already starting to wear me down.  I do very well in class and in tests, but when I open up the Bible and try to read it as it is in Greek....I find that I still can't.  There's still so many words I don't know...so many strange forms...  But I will persevere, and hopefully one day I will reach my goal of being able to open up the Greek Bible and just read it without any aids.

But this leads me to Hebrews.  Hebrews has ALOT (and I mean A LOT!!) more vocabs, in a writing style that I've never seen before.  Will I ever be able to master it?

I've seen too many pastors who learn original language only to lose it cuz they never really use it.  If that's gonna be the case with me and Hebrews, then I certainly DON'T want to waste 2 subjects doing it.

There's the option that I can just do the Intensive to get a sense of the grammar and alphabet, so I can read commentaries and stuff better.

In the end... I still want to do it.... but I worry that I'm going to regret it after next year...

But... to be able to read the Bible in its original language.....

         ..... soooo cool....  I want....

Late..

History Essay was due in today.

But I've been so stressed, that yesterday I decided just not to do it.  Stress' been driving me insane lately.

So I'll be handing it in late.  Up to a week late is loss of 15%.  I actually thought it was gonna be just 10%, but because our grading system as + and - (ie B+, B, B- etc..), one grade drop is 15%.  Oh wellz.

I've never actually handed anything in late before in my life.  It feels very weird.  I felt extremely weird yesterday knowing that I was going to hand stuff in late.  And yet today's been such a relief...

Been so busy with stuff....but that's just an excuse.  I know I should have gotten it done.  

Trying to get marks has been such a stressful thing in my life.  The expectations....  And yet marks didn't turn out to be worth anything.  Just stressing and shortening my lifespan for stupid reason.

I decided not to care so much about marks anymore...and just stress less.  I learnt a lot...and the marks do not really indicate how much I've learnt or not.

Next few days will be very busy...hope I actually have time to actually finish the essay haha...

Myers Briggs

Hm, I finally did a short (70 question) Myers Briggs test.

Result is that I am an INTJ (Introvert, iNtuition, Thinking, Judging)

Seems like an ENTJ would be a good match for me lol :p  

I wonder if that's true.  Personality tests are always funny..... But looking at the category, I would say that I agree that I am an INTJ (even if based upon definition alone).

God's Love..

Lately... I feel that I need more of God's love..

   Firstly to sustain me in my life..

 And also to sustain my interaction with other people...

Only God's love indwelling inside me can change..

   How I think and feel about other people..

Father I want to be your love to the other people..

  Please fill me with your love..

 So that I may be able to overflow onto others.

Without you..

  I am nothing.

Reason..

The things of this life....

There is really nothing there is there?

It's fine saying everything in the world is meaningless....

But when you feel that in the church, amongst Christian ppl....really makes you wonder.

Life...

2 Cor 5:8

Phil 1:23

The only reason I'm still here is God.  Else I wouldn't even be here...

Almost there...

2 Exams down.... 1 more to go....

What's been the worse is trying to study right after your exam.  Usually I'm soooo drained and tired that day after finish the exam....and yet now I have to try to study for tomorrow's exam!  3 back-to-back exams is a killer!  But at least it'll be over quickly!!

*Add oil!!*...

Downshifting Gears...

"This Ezra came up from Babylon. 

He was a teacher well versed in the Law of Moses,

 which the Lord, the God of Israel, had given.

The king had granted him everything he asked, 

  for the hand of the Lord his God was on him.

For Ezra had devoted himself

  to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord

 and to teaching its decrees and laws in Israel."

                                                    (Ezra 7:6, 10)

How amazing, to be able to devote your whole life to study the Word of God,

  to use what you have learnt to teach others,

 not forgetting that you yourself should be shaped by God's Word as well.

Ok.  Time to downshift my gears as we're heading to exam times!

Wisdom..

God really does give wisdom when you seek and ask Him..

     Even though it may not come straight away.......

Leviticus..

Leviticus has dominated the last 2 weeks of my life.

It's been interesting, 

   agonizing, 

                amazing, 

     frustrating,

                 illuminating,

       confusing.

I've learnt so much from doing all my research and readings...and yet I feel like I know nothing at all.

The problem is that Leviticus is written more like a manual on how to do things...not WHY.  Consequently there are so many different arguments and interpretations of what it means.

Even the individual sacrifices themselves are confusing and have varied opinions.

My Old Testament essay topic is to write about the Theological message of Leviticus Chapters 1-7 (The 5 sacrificial rituals), but I found that there was very little info on that.  Instead most commentaries/journals argue over the meaning of the individual sacrifices, and the word Atonement (kpr).  I found that it was good though, as I really wanted to know what they all meant as well.  Thus I think I've spent a lot of my time reading things related to the sacrifices....but not related to my essay topic!!  That's actually how life has been working lately haha.  I'm reading all these non-examinable stuff in my other subjects too...

On top of that... I've been sick for the past week or so.  Throat is sore, and I'm coughing furiously (especially at night).  Thus I'm tired and really can't be bothered doing work.... (which explained why I've started watching this japanese drama haha.... >.<)

Anyway, I have just now finished summarising the notes from all the numerous sources that I've read.  The essay is due the day after tomorrow.... in the morning. Tomorrow is a packed day....so I'm a bit screwed.

I'm probably going to skip Personal Evangelism class tomorrow, so I can finish my essay.  And then go into uni for New Testament class in the evening.  Unfortunately I don't feel that I learn very much in the Personal Evangelism class.... and am a bit annoyed that they removed Hermeneutics from the syllabus and replaced it with Ministry Foundations (which I don't think is very helpful at all...).  I don't like missing class...but I think I need to sleep in to recover from my sickness anyway (I can't sleep at night nowadays...and coughing has screwed it up even more).

Back to the topic of Leviticus.....

I think that we too often look at these laws/system in regard to the New Testament, know Jesus' death on the cross.  It blinds us, and stops us from fully understanding.  There are so many amazing things about God that we can discover if we only leave behind the knowledge of Jesus' work.

Its funny.... every time I read/hear/learn something about God, the first thing I start thinking about, is how I can share that to other people.  How can I reshape it, and put it into a form that would make sense, and be easy for other people to understand?  Even with this Leviticus, I'm thinking of how I can possibly put it together to present at a Bible Study (though it might actually take 2 sessions or so haha).

I guess that just shows that one of my calling really is to teach...since that's the first thing on my head when I learn something new.

I'm also starting work this Friday.  Found a job working as an optometrist at nursing homes / age-care facilities.  My old work place (ACO) also called as asked if I still want to work Saturdays.  So from now on I'll be working every Friday and Saturdays too.

I'm a bit scared...haven't worked for 2.5 months... I'm afraid that I've forgotten stuff >.<  I'll also be teaching when I'm working at ACO too.  Well all I can do is pray and depend on God.

Knowingly scammed..

So yesterday I was out in the city...

This guy came up to me and my friend, and said that he's really stuck and if we could help him.  His car's out of petrol and he really needs to get to this place about 70km away by tonight.  His wife's in the car and he's pregnant so he can't just leave her there. He's out of money, and somehow his bank card's not working.  He needs to buy the container that stores petrol, which is about $20, and another $30 for petrol.

Said he's not a druggie, and showed me his driver's license.  Had a Myki card in there too.  Asked if we could help.

Sounded really dodgy....always dodgy when someone starts saying their wife/gf is pregnant....seems like a standard scam line nowadays....

Yet...I dunno why... but I thought I'd help.  I was gonna pull out $20...but for some random reason I decided to give $40.  When I gave it away I accepted in my mind that I wasn't going to get it back.

He got my number and said that tomorrow he'll call me for my bank details and he'll bank transfer it back.

So yeah... then I walked off.  Part of me knew I was getting scammed...but then part of me wonder if we shouldn't try to have a bit more faith, rather than in this cynical reality.

I accepted that I was probably being scammed...and yet i still gave it over.  Thinking back I should have only given $20..but somehow in that moment I gave $40...

I figured...and wondered.... if I get scammed 10x, but one time it was actually true and I did help someone in need....then would it be worth it?  In that scene I viewed my giving of my money as giving to God...rather than to them.  Would God be pleased with my action....my naive-ness/innocence? 

Anyway...and of course I got no call today.  And it's a funny feeling.  Cuz I don't really feel that bad...but then I wonder if I should be feeling bad and jibbed....

So it comes back to 2 questions:

1. Is it worth it to risk being jibbed/scam for the small chance that it's actually true and you're actually helping someone?

2. How can we be a good Samaritan in this world of dodgy-ness?

I can only imagine that people would be even more dodgy in Jesus' time... when people scam/jib/rip off other people because life is so much more desperate.... life so much harder... less moral structure and more survival of the fittest......

Interesting thoughts.....

Easter..

Easter....

Hm.......

Remember Jesus...

Consider Jesus....

ὁ ‘Ιησους ὁ υἱος του θεου......

ἀπέθανεν ὑπὲρ τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν ἡμῶν.....

Insomnia..

For some reason....

   For the past few weeks...

My insomnia has returned...

I'm tired..

    I want to go to sleep..

  And yet...

     I just lie here in my bed...

Why is sleep to hard to attain?

   Why does it always allude me..

Journey - searching for $1 McDonald Small Coke..

I don't usually get cravings...

But last Friday, after playing tennis I suddenly had a huge thirst for Coca Cola... water just wasn't cutting it.

Had about an hour to kill, and remembered that McDonalds now has a $1-2 menu....and the small coke was $1!!

So I drove around to find a McDonalds.  Finally found one that's suppose to be next to Masters on Ballarat Rd.

I parked...then walked around trying to find my way into Macca's....... couldn't find it!  I see the yellow M sign....but that's it!!

After a while I finally realised that it's INSIDE Master's.....  so then I walked around and walked in.

I stood, waited to be served......

   A few minutes later a girl came from the back of Macca's...

      And told me that they just closed...and are cleaning up to end the night >.<

So continues my search for Coke....

I then went out..and drove around more.....

Finally found another McDonald's.  Decided to go drive-through this time.

I went...then ordered.

Then went to the next window........

            but there was no one there!

     So then I drove up to the next window.

  Only to have that lady tell me that I needed to go pay back at the previous window!

I claimed that no one was there, but she explained that the other person must've just stepped out.

I then looked into my rear mirror so I can reverse... and there's already another car behind me >.<

Soooooooo  I had to get out of my car in the middle of the drive-through....  walked back to the previous window... paid my $1... then walked back into my car.

THEN I got my $1 coke............

So concludes my story........ of searching for $1 McDonald's Small Coke... >.<

Overall it took me 40 minutes to get the drink ~~~~~~

Drawn...

Why is it...

That in my studies I seem to find the non-examinable stuff very interesting...

And then spend a significant part of my time looking more into it...

When it's not examinable...hahahahaha.

Took a look at the New Testament past exams today..

They're hard..

   very hard... >.<

Only comforting thing is that a few questions seem to keep coming up every exam...

  So I'll try to prepare for those...and then hope for the best.

Need to find a job.  That email I sent away like 2 weeks ago.... never got a reply.  

Actually I got a reply straight away.  That lady forwarded it to another lady the next day.  But since then nothing.  I tried sending a follow up email to the second lady...but still nothing >.<

Good thing is that lately haven't been going out much...so much spending as much as before....

But... I do miss working.....